Each scenario can raise concerns about what is “normal” in therapy and what is necessary to receive the best results possible. But, while you don’t have to like your therapist as much as you would a friend, you certainly should like them. Read on to learn why!
Do I Have to Like My Therapist?
There may be times in your therapy sessions when you’re wondering if you need to like your therapist. This is a normal question to have. Therapy is a space where you form an intimate relationship with someone you only interact with for a limited time each week.
Yes, You Should Like Your Therapist
It is essential to like your therapist, but expecting yourself to always like your therapist is unrealistic. First, let’s address why it is important to like your therapist. Working with someone you generally like can facilitate feelings of connection in therapy. When feeling connected, you may have an easier time opening up to them. It is also crucial to accept that there may be times when you don’t like your therapist. Discord in the therapeutic relationship is called a “rupture.” Allowing yourself to tell your therapist when you dislike them can lead to significant breakthroughs. Many people who seek out therapy haven’t experienced healthy conflict resolution or may not have had their voices heard. When you speak up in treatment, the therapist can model beneficial conflict resolution or validate your emotions. In turn, this can lead to clients noticing that they’re able to utilize conflict resolution skills or feel that they can trust their feelings more outside of the therapy room.
How Much Should I Like My Therapist?
While it is key to like your therapist, there are important boundaries to remember. First, your therapist is not your friend.
Therapists, Legally, Cannot Be Your Friend
While you may enjoy a friendly relationship with them, or they might have some qualities you’d like a friend to have, they cannot be your friend. A dual relationship is when a therapist pursues a business, friendship, or romantic relationship in addition to the therapeutic relationship. It is unethical for this to happen because there is a power dynamic involved between the therapist and the client, it can be unsettling for the client to have blurred boundaries. Moreover, a dual relationship doesn’t help the client meet their treatment goals.
It Is Possible to Feel Like You Love Your Therapist
You might notice that you have strong desires to form a friendship or romantic relationship with your therapist. This common occurrence is called transference. For example, you may long for a loving mother and find your therapist to be maternal. In turn, you could crave a deeper relationship with her. Alternatively, your therapist may remind you of a partner you’ve had in the past, and you could develop romantic feelings for them. While it may feel taboo to admit these things aloud, therapists are trained to support their clients through these emotions.
What Should I Do If I Don’t Like My Therapist?
If you don’t like your therapist, consider why that is. Do you find them to be unprofessional or judgmental? If so, that can indicate that they are simply not the right therapist for you. Finding the right therapist can take some trial and error, so do not be discouraged if you feel it is time to seek a new provider. If you dislike your therapist because they remind you of someone in your life, take a moment to ponder what is coming up for you. Sometimes, our therapists can remind us of people we know and have negative relationships with. This is another example of transference. Inclusive Therapists has providers committed to a social justice-oriented approach to the therapeutic process. You can also reach out to your health insurance for further support in finding a new therapist.
